It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
