Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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