Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize