I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
