i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
