I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
