Please, let me fuck your mom
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Randomize
