Whod you bang
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
