you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
