Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
