i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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