I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
