We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He felt like a one man threesome
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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