Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
