Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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