And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
