I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
