Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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