Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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