I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
No stitches, just platelets and will power
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
