Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
