how do flat chested girls get laid?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
