you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
