wanna go halves on a baby?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
