My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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