Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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