Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
