Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
