He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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