you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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