You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
