I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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