That's intense
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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