She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
