Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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