Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
