I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
