He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
