My friends, they love my intelligence
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Someone came in the potted fern
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize