everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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