Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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