They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
