I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
