Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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