Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
