my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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