I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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