I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
