People with herpes should wear stickers.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I would ride that face into the sunset
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
