Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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