i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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