Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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