Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
