I should be sponsored by Trojan
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
