I didn't shave. On purpose
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
