Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
