Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He passed out mid-signature
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We are all done wearing pants today
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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