I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
