Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
