she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
