I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
