atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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