i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
