Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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