you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
