you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
