4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
