You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
