He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
