What a fucking waste of an outfit
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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