i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize