She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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