who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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