Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
