THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
